April is here!

It's Sunday on the new time. It always takes some adjusting when we change the clocks.
I've been walking around the yard this weekend, planning for flowers and spring clean up of weeds.
I really don't know what to write today, but I wanted to visit here. I enjoy reading what others are doing. They always seem to lead much more interesting lives than I do. I'm here alone again this afternoon. Just the pets and myself with something outrageous on E! television. My life is screaming for change. I made the kids feel bad for taking too long in the video store. I can't hardly remember 18. .....and I was already driving by then.

I went to church this morning and am actually quite excited about next Sunday being Palm Sunday. I don't know about anyone else, but to me it's just as important as Easter Sunday. I feel the revival of the church and church going in my heart.

HeeBee GeeBees

I can't figure out if it's a case of laziness or HeeBee GeeBees. Starting yesterday morning I just felt weird. I know I can't wait for spring warmth to settle in my bones. I have started sleeping better. I had a peacefulness come over my soul the past week or so. I feel energetic, but no place to put the energy.
Everybody needs a clean slate and that's what this time of year feels like to me. The hyancinths are peaking out of the ground. I get excited thinking about the apple tree, the blueberry bush and the strawberry plants. We've been talking about the tomatoes, beans, cucumbers and peas that will be planted.
I think my problems aren't really problems at all, but challenges.....and I have a lot. I'm actually getting excited about spring cleaning, spring planting and getting out of debt. The warehouse closed this past weekend. I was shocked when I got the phone call on Sunday (supposedly our last day to work) that said don't worry about coming in, we've got it all packed up. So, the job search begins again, but this time it's more focused than it has ever been before in my life. I actually have a goal in finding the right work for myself and my family.
I need to get going and start my day (hah! it's after 10:00am) I can't wait for warmer weather so I can get out of bed earlier, then maybe these HeeBee GeeBees will go away.

It's time to clean the bathroom drains

When did Saturdays become the exclusive day for cleaning? Are we that busy that we don't take the time to pick up after ourselves through the week? What is it about TV that pulls us to sit down and watch show after show? The sofa isn't that comfortable, believe me. I actually did very well this week keeping up with my zone cleaning for the bathroom. It's the smallest room in the house and I like cleaning it because it really doesn't take much time. This morning I am tackling the slow running drain in the bathroom sink. I'm boiling my second pot of water right now.
I awoke yesterday morning without back pain~ a major miracle. But since I had been guarding my back pain so much, my arm that I fell on about 2 weeks ago......started hurting this morning. The human body is amazing. As I read more and more about anatomy and biochemistry and that our survival mechanism is to stay in a constant equilibrium it's a wonder some of us are able to function at all. I know I don't drink enough water. I like coffee, tea and Pepsi. Some of the flavored waters are good, some have too much carbonation. We drink water from the tap most of the time. I probably should go to the water company website to see what's in our local water. I'm from Lexington so it's the water I'm used to drinking. I can remember going to Newport or Cincinnati when I was little and the water tasting funny. When we visited my relatives in San Diego once, I can remember they boiled pots of water for us to have to drink while we were there. That was so nice of them. I just don't think about drinking water or being thirsty. I think I am thirsty a lot, but due to my own "sacrifice" mechanism, I don't drink anything when I really should. The same thing with eating. I've got to get to the root of that state of mind. I've got to clean my own personal drains. Yesterday I went to lunch with a dear friend from my old job. We had a moment or two where each of us wanted to cry. That's what I need to do. Have a good cry and mourn all kinds of things. I think I'll suggest that next time we get together.

65 degrees and it's Jan.2nd.....honey, open up the door

I've spent the morning sweeping and vacuuming. I still need to wipe paw prints off the back door. It's kind of refreshing to clean the entry ways into the house. Stepping out to the sidewalk and looking at the house sometimes fills me with wonder. I always say I am blessed with my life and what I have. Guilt prevails if I allow a moment to feel sorry or sad. Sometimes I just feel sad and out of sorts because I can't name the source of my sadness. I shouldn't want "more" or "different" than what I have or so I'm inclined to think. I sometimes wonder if it's because I never felt secure as a child.
I'm trying to sort all this out as I live in this new year. Keeping busy helps ease my restless mind. I'm influenced in trying to make a house a home by the FLYLADY website. She encourages all to take baby steps and love ourselves.
I suppose the fact that my husband and daughter, pug and deaf cat feel loved and nurtured, secure and safe are my consolation. I'm a provider.
In my thinking I allow myself to go back in time. A lot of the time it's back to pioneer days and I think about women and what they had to do without. I mean I know they didn't realize they were doing without running water and an electric stove. Washing machines, vacuum cleaners, over the counter medicenes, hair dryers and light fixtures are things I am conscience of having. I'm thankful for the fact I can go out to the market, in a car, not far from home. When I'm feeling down I think about these things they had to do without. I don't know why I limit it to pioneer days. Maybe it's because when America started. If I were of a different culture I'd think back to even more difficult times in history. So as an effort to love myself and who I am I need to figure out (or seem to think I do) why my life has been the way it's been.
I'm reading a wonderful book " The World's Easiest Guide to Understanding God"....and like all books I start like this, when I get near the end it becomes harder to grasp the concepts of living right now. My sister in law gave me a great book this past summer, " Breaking the Cycle of Hurful Family Relationships" whle the beginning chapters were very helpful it got muddy towards the end. Am I resistant to changes that need to be made in my life? Is that why I can follow the basics of FLYING, but can't get much further than that? Am I that impatient? Why do I get discouraged? Why am I not at peace with myself? Would drugs or medication help? What am I looking for? I could cry when I feel like this.
Well, a storm is brewing outside....I better get those doors wiped off and shut. The breeze has been nice on this winter's day. I'm going to make something to eat and go to work this afternoon. Even though it's work, sometimes when I get out of the house it helps to get my mind off such pressing (de-pressing) matters.

That ain't a brain, that's a damn bees nest......

It's great to have kids still at home......you get exposed to "modern culture" and it seems you don't age as quickly as those that don't have them. Example - I wrote a friend of mine to tell her I started a blog today and she had no clue what "blogging" was. I attribute my knowledge about a lot of things to my daughter.
The title of this post comes from a popular cartoon character we all love here at home. Meatwad, of Aqua Teen Hunger Force says the funniest things. This past month we have been quoting the above line as if it were our own observation. It's nice to have something handy and ready to say when you don't know what else to fill the space with.
By far I think we communicate more than most families. Generally I presume everyone says what they feel and speaks what is on their heart, but I'm finding out even in our open minded culture a lot of people either don't know how to communicate or just don't want to ( or maybe they just don't want to communicate to me or with me???!!) And I guess at times I've been taken adavantage of because I'm a good listener and tend to believe what people say. As a child I always listened to my mother.....my mother likes to talk and she likes to talk about herself and her life and give her opinions. I wonder if she never "outgrew" that habit because she was a twin and maybe didn't get the chance to talk much as a child? I'll never know. She is from another time and of a different intellect than me, there is no way I can ask her that and have her know what I am asking. One time when her mother (my Mammy) was still alive and living her last days in the nursing home about a 2 hour drive from Lexington, we took a trip to go see her. My mom talked the entire time we were on the road and about the time we got there I finally turned my head and said to her "are you about through talking yet?" It hurt her feelings deeply, I could tell. Yes, I should have phrased it another way, but it occurs about every time I go and visit her now as well....I mean the constant talk about everything about "mom" makes my head hurt after 2 hours or so. And one day I realized that's basically the way all our conversations have taken place that I ever remember. So the times that I talked back and sassed were many times a way to be heard. I've never meant to dishonor her, I just wanted her to notice me. I'm sorry, mom.
I can't draw a grand conclusion to all this thinking, I just know this is one of the aspects of why I had an unhappy childhood. As I blog on throughout the year, I will appreciate this opportunity to get these bees out of here and find a brain.

A Fresh New Year

Okay, I've been encouraged to start a blog....so today is the day.
It was a wonderful new year's celebration at my home. Although it was typical that something silly like not being able to get the plastic cork out of the sparkling grape juice bottle occurred. I got the bottle out of the refrigerator with about 15 minutes left in the the old year. The silly stopper thing would not "pop" out of the bottle. I ended up using a corkscrew and poking a hole through the plastic and shaking out our toasting beverage like shaking oil and vinegar out of a salad dressing bottle. It was a good thing I started early. With about 3 minutes left in 2005, Jeff and I sat on the sofa and watched the count down, wished each other a Happy New Year and "clinked" our glasses in the tradition of letting the liquids mix together. A kiss followed with sincere "I Love You" statements.
Looking forward to the new year means we will celebrate 24 years of marriage in August. Our daughter will be 18 and graduating from high school. Those are the 2 biggest hopes and highlights that come to mind right now. I know there are others, as each day is a treasure and the laughter and humor of each day is something our entire household looks forward to. I hope to be able to share these experiences and maybe encourage or bring a smile to someone out there.